Lessons

Sometimes I truly have no idea what to do about M and school. Yesterday when it was time for homework, I got his agenda out and saw a note written by the teacher that said something to effect that M had discovered that other children don't want to sit next to him in class because he's disruptive.

Ok....so I asked M what happened. At first he didn't want to talk about; he just wanted to get his homework done so he could go outside and play. But I kept pushing and he finally told me that the teacher had decided to change the seating arrangement in class and that everyone got to pick who they wanted to sit with...and nobody wanted to sit with him. I asked him why nobody wanted to sit with him and he just shrugged and said he didn't want to talk about it.

A little later, I asked him again what had happened in class that nobody wanted to sit with him. He said that he asked 1 kid and the kid didn't want to sit with him because he's distracting, but he thought there was another kid who might want to sit with him, but that kid wasn't in the classroom when all this was happening.

I also asked him how this made him feel. He said "not so good," "bad" and "embarrassed in class." So I wrote a quick email to the teacher saying "I wanted to let you know about something that happened when M got home today. I saw the note in his agenda about moving seats and asked him about it. At first he didn’t want to talk about it, but after a few minutes, he told me what happened. According to him, the children were given the opportunity to change seats today and to sit next to whomever they wished. Apparently nobody wanted to sit next to him. He felt embarrassed, left out and very bad about himself. I just thought you should know what he said."

The response back I got was "M and I talked about this in class.  The students told me quietly that they were distracted when they sit next to M because he fools and jokes during work time.  M said he was the only one who could change students opinions of him.  This is a learning opportunity for M to realize that his actions affect others not just himself.  He has a place to sit.  Let's work with M to make choices that encourage students to want to work with him."

I really don't know what to think about this. I'm horrified that it happened, of course. But am I supposed to let school teach my kids lessons like this? This just screams lack of forethought to me. And worse, lack of understanding of what ADHD and SID are in relation to a child being able to absolutely control himself like his classmates. 

The bottom line is that my kid is different. He has a disability. You can't see it, but it's there and it effects everything in his life, from school to friends to home. I don't think he deserved to learn a lesson in such a brusque and rude manner. 

I just can't imagine what she was thinking....or whether she was thinking; that may be the better question.